Listen to the sound from deep within. It's only beginning to find release...

2011-01-09T12:48:00.004+08:00

alright. this is the place where i let out my emotional thoughts.

gosh, so much of kindness. all i received in return is never endless criticism from someone like you!

my own flesh and blood.

disappointed once again. I know ive grown up and i could do is to control this feeling.

when you asked for help, as someone who knows that you have sacrificed alot for my progress right now felt a need to help you out. just need a lil motivation from you. you said I'm arrogant. by all mean say it. but deep down, im in great pain when you said it. i never said i never accepted advise. the way you advise me was totally wrong. you sounded so condescending. who will accept? tell me?

i told you before i did what you instructed me to do....ive asked for everyone advised. you were busy with your phone. i waited for 2hrs...and you continued chatting on the phone. okay enough. i cant wait any longer and i continued with my plan. at the end of the day, you scolded me. and when i said ive waited for you. you said i was impatient. you said I'm the most impatient person you've met. wtf. i dont like people to do things taking their own sweet time. argh. at times i must say i prefer spending time outside than at home. it shucks. i hope my sister was here. she's the only person in the house who totally understands me.

im super duper angry now. thanks for spoiling my sunday.

2010-10-11T17:33:00.003+08:00

Hello friends!

Didnt update my blog for weeks. life is pretty challenging now. things get tougher as expected. Indeed there's some stuff that never failed to demoralise me in the midst of this battle. time is my biggest enemy. Allah, pls give me the strength to carry on.

2010-09-04T10:58:00.001+08:00

new semester, new goals. updated my goals! :)

2010-08-09T11:08:00.002+08:00

alright finally back from genting. one sentence to sum up my time spent there: nothing beats singapore's food.

2010-07-18T16:23:00.004+08:00

Alright. i was supposed to be out with my parents but decided not to join them at the very last minute. think i just need enough rest before i welcome the new week. Have been trying to fast lately as a mean to train myself before the real month and also ive owed alot of days. time to pay back. haha!

alright. lately, Ive been trying to change my shopping habits to needs vs wants. After ive started working, now then i realised how hard it is to earn ur own income. Consume moderately and only if it's necessary. that's what ive learnt so far. mum asked me recently if i want to go for the overseas trip this coming january but i told her i guess it's not one of my priorities for now. guess alot of things she have to settle as my bro's wedding is approaching. mum, dont worry about me. i'll never stopped praying that one day you could see me graduate with good honours degree. mum and dad have faced so much hardships just to allow me continue my study in uni. rest assured, upon graduation, i will never let you face all those hardships alone. the school did send me an invitation to apply for a scholarship but ive set my mind not to be tight down with commitments that dont interest me at all. i'm pretty sure better opportunities will come by if we are sincere in whatever we do.

that aside. during my working days, as long as i'm free, i'm also trying to make it a habit to check out the latest happenings in the economy and sort of revise my economics concepts that ive somehow lost touch for months. Also im getting more and more curious on how stocks work and how risks are managed. learn a bit here and there but i cant wait for school to reopen coz i will be able to learn more of it! yay!

2010-07-14T20:16:00.005+08:00

havent been blogging for really long. working life is getting more interesting. you'll see all kinds of behaviour each day. Ive gotten really comfortable with my work and as i look at the calendar, it's getting real near to my new school semester. break will be ending soon but im sure ive learnt alot throughout these 4 mths break. weekends are spent with family and friends. no matter how tired i am but as long as i see the smile of my family's and friends' faces, it really makes me happy.

registration for my modules have alrdy ended. it really kills my mood whenever i didnt get what i wanted. but yeah, after two semesters in ntu, ive gotten used to it partially. praying real hard now that im given my chosen electives. :(

for now, im just counting down to my genting trip with the girls!

2010-06-18T20:35:00.007+08:00

Alhamdulillah. i received a very good news at the start of the day. I've been praying hard all this while that the school will give me the very opportunity to pursue my dream. Quite upset when ive got to know my close buddies didnt get in. I hope i'm not alone to face this challenge.

here's the good news! hehe

2010-06-17T20:01:00.003+08:00

a week is going to pass real soon. bored to death at work and always looking forward to go home. recently, my uncle bought me a special gift that ive been wanting for so long. iSlim! thats what i got from him! thanks uncle! love you so much.

yeah pampered myself last weekend by buying new headset! hehe

alright, plan to watch movies with joyce after work one of these days. lucky, we are in the same company. it's easier to schedule our time together. and yeah school timetable is alrdy out. and i must say....december will no longer be a break for me...i have papers on the 10-22december! woohoo! and i wont be able to be on my brother's solemnization ceremony! :(

2010-05-28T16:07:00.003+08:00

Thanks Allah s.w.t for the great gift you gave me yesterday. Results are out. I was surprised. Ive achieved 99.9% percents of my short term goal set at the right panel. I shall not stop here as it is only the beginning. Insyallah i will continue to work hard.

A few minutes ago, ive just submitted my application form to minor in risk management and insurance. hopefully the application is successful for not only me but also for my buddies. :)

2010-05-06T10:59:00.003+08:00

thank god for giving me the great strength to overcome the hurdles for the past two weeks.

Exams are finally over. Last paper was kind of tricky. ive lost a few marks here and there. pretty normal during exams. you just tend to erase the right ans and put the wrong ans. haha. but overall i hope i could get a decent grade. i'm really praying hard that i could get a higher GPA. god, i can only count on you. hopefully the bell curve works on my side.

Ended my paper yesterday with great excitement and was like rushing to my car with gina after the paper and we head down to the east! Buffet session with the Economist. i cant stop laughing during the time spent together. Everyone is just turning insane after exams. haha!

whats on my to do list now:

1) search for job : i dont want to be too dependent on my parents.

2) catch up with my friends: it's been so long since i last met the girls.

3) watch movies

4) Pool session

5) Squash with joyce! : i have yet to teach her how to play

6) reading up!

I need to exercise badly!

2010-05-01T19:30:00.003+08:00

one more paper to go. that is none other than CHEMISTRY!

gosh. two weeks of econs and now studying something that is again out of my comfort zone....chemistry. my science is getting rusty and im planning as far as i could to clear all science modules in year 2. before it totally disappear from my very little brain.

Public finance paper was a great morale booster. i must say i love finance and my passion towards it did not end up with disappointment like macroeconomic did. Macroeconomics exam gives me great disappointment. BUT still my flame of passion towards it will not stop burning. trust me. Failing is a step towards success. who knows i might come out with a macroeconomic theory some day. hahah!

alright now. im counting down to the end of finals and also to the end of Year 1!

wednesday 7pm sharp (which is the end of chem paper) i will be heading downtown to meet my lovely buddies who kindly will wait for me before we begin our buffet session. thanks people. and thanks for the best wishes. meanwhile, enjoy your holiday. i have to get back with my work.

2010-04-30T11:56:00.003+08:00

Two papers down. what i felt is just disappointment one after another. at times i dont understand why on earth my eyes are so blind. i didnt even manage to identify the tricky words used by the examiner. argh. ive gotten over the whole misery i felt for intermediate microeconomics....macroeconomics was thought to be the one that might boost my morale for the following papers. the paper was indeed relatively easy. but i made two BIG careless mistakes that caused me to possibly say goodbye to 9MARKS! gosh. all the while i know that natural rate of employment stands at the point of the sum of frictional output and structural output...but i didnt see that in that question it was replaced by cyclical. which is definitely WRONG! i was like "what the fish in the pond!" made worse by the fact that in one of the mcq questions...i knew that the answer that i initially got was wrong...so i decided to delete it...but i cant remember if i have replaced it with my final answer. Oh my. i just cant stop thinking about this stupid mistakes i made....indeed it has affected my mood to study public finance....but i keep telling myself. i have to MOVE on. whats not meant to be mine.....will not be mine. guess im not fated to get that marks. but god, what i really hope for now is that i can at least get two As in this final exam. i need that badly. Im afraid that the bell graph may not be on my side. But God, i trust that only you can do miracle. :)

2010-04-01T20:15:00.004+08:00

oh my april is here!
exams are coming soon. oh my im really unprepared.
in two weeks time, there will be presentation. trying to chiong everything by end of this week so all of us will have more time to study for the following weeks.
today i have sat for my macroeconomics mid term. woah finally one load off my mind. A manageable paper. hope i will score well. Ive spent so many days revising it. hope it is worth the sacrifice. shall leave to god to decide.

on this very day too. ive received my chemistry result. Pretty satisfied but yeah cant be too coomplacent. 40% are down...ive 60% more to tackle! shall leave to god to decide too. i just need to study hard now!

Public finance report result was given out too. A satisfying one as well. our efforts are not gone too waste! thank god.

i have to put my engine to full gear now. no time to slack but yeah i really miss those times when i can do my shopping at ease, play pool, watch movie etc! oh my!

on the side note, ive sent my resume to AXA life insurance. they are vetting thru my resume. really hope they will accept me. looking forward to get a good news from them. praying real hard. I'm trying to familiarise myself in the finance area now with the hope that i could be a good analyst upon graduation. hopefully. lets leave everything to god as well.

2010-03-13T19:02:00.002+08:00

Wow, this week is almost coming to an end. i wonder how actually i managed to overcome so many obstacles this week. alright. public finance report is almost done. same goes for my resume. passing it around for checking. oral presentation online has been submitted. and the clock is ticking quite fast towards our presentation. another report has to be completed soon too and that is none other than intermediate microeconomics. doing a case study on three mobile service providers in singapore - pricing strategies, game theory, market structure and many more! although the due date is in three weeks time, my group has planned to complete it by next sunday. they are so goal-oriented...and i shall be enthusiastic to complete it! haha!

yesterday, after long week spent on tutorials, assignments and reports, me and joyce decided to pamper ourselves a little. went jurong point to get starbucks coffee and finally, i watched Alice in the wonderland. 3d version. damn nice pls!. quite expensive but worth it! we plan to watch more movies whenever we feel damn stress!

alright, tmr gonna spend almost the whole day in the national library. research research and more research. oh god, i need strength!

my part time job stuff is piling up. i wonder when will i ever complete it. told them i wanna quit but they still dont want to let me go. oh god.

2010-03-08T12:24:00.002+08:00

for the past few days, i have been flipping through my chemistry notes. indeed it is something i have learnt back in junior college or secondary school but they are all those things that i usually skipped studying because back then we are not expected to know in depth the effects chemicals have to the environment. now i have to know and i have to force myself to memorise. something that is really out of my comfort zone.

all the while, economics concept is clouding my mind. but now, it is chemistry! oh my.

okay done with memorizing the concept yesterday. got to prepare my resume for my second assignment. having to look thru all the possible jobs i can work in future. i'm getting more and more eager to see how's my future like.

I am more certain of what i really want now. Hope i can achieve it one day. something that caught my attention while looking for a job for my resume is....financial analyst or insurer in maritime industries! A sigh of relieved. after all, there's still way for me to get what i wish for.

alright. back to my resume and cover letter writing!

2010-03-03T23:21:00.001+08:00

Hi everyone.

wow. been so long since i last updated. My time is getting really hectic. my leisure time is totally diminishing with the increase number hours spend on school works. My mind is totally preoccupied with lots of priority. what needs to be done first? everything seems impt and due dates are somehow close to one another.

today, i couldnt resist the temptation to vent my frustration and broke down. sincerely sorry mum...for shouting at you. i just wish someone will understand me. looking back...i think everything that is given to me by god is a mean to test how strong my faith is. i have to stay strong and brace up. i should not shed any tears.

alright. im here typing my emotional thoughts and trying to complete reading an article on why stocks outperform bonds. Economics is getting more interesting and more things to discover. no doubt it never fails to challenge me.

okay now. i have two reports to complete, one assignment, presentation and lastly mid term test!
wow. a great challenge for me. slowly, my to-do list will get shorter and shorter.alright people.till then. if i have spare time...i will update about my life again!

take care!adios!

2010-02-12T00:00:00.002+08:00

hey everyone.

it has been really long since i last updated. dont see the need to update not because my life is to mundane but yeah some things are not meant to be shared. really too many things took place in the past weeks. what i can say is just that i hope life would be better soon. pretty sure god has his reasons for giving me and and my family this obstacle. I'm pretty certain now that I must achieve something in my life. and that thing is non other than my dream. I dont want to be the next person to disappoint my parents. oh god, just show all of us the right path to follow.

this week is quite a horrible week. trying to rush through my assignment and shall leave the editing part till next week. as when next week comes, i will be exhausted trying to complete my presentation slides and my invoices. last two days, i was asked to go down to heartware for a meeting. i was really caught by surprise when i got to know the agenda. got back home and did some reflections and realised i should put a stop to everything. i know thats not what i really want. clearly, it's not meeting my objective when come to volunteering. shall listen to marie...and shall try not to answer any calls or emails by them. i have to be firm and stand on my own ground and not others. seriously thats my new year resolution though it comes in a lil late here. haha.

2010-01-20T19:58:00.003+08:00

I've never felt so weak before.

All i could do is to shout out loud in my very little mind. I just need someone who could really help me understand what's life. challenges after challenges as day goes by. turning my head only to see everyone around me mugging hard while im in midst of the air. don't know where on earth am i standing. what i really want i wonder. Everyone is flipping through their textbooks, clearing their tutorials and do xtra reading up while i'm here typing something on my blog with pile of documents at my side. when on earth am i gonna start studying. I hate to say this. but i feel like giving up. i told my sis. no one can ever help me. all they can do are to say: it's for your own good. oh gosh. i really feel like going back to my tuition job instead of this. it's not worth the money. I realise i havent been studying enough. oh god, help me please.

yesterday, got a call from mr raymond. he needs my help to organise an overseas CIP. he alrdy recee the place and need my help with a guy to execute it. I'm trying to forgo the stress management seminar plan. just hope dad can help me convince the committee's head about how busy i am. i dont know how to face them. in the first place, i know that's not what i really want but since dad looked at me in the eyes and somewhat really wish i could do something....i said yes reluctantly. but yeah i know i want something different and that is the overseas CIP. however, i have to work on my time management first for now. it's kinda sucks. oh goddddddd

2010-01-18T20:30:00.003+08:00

oh god, one week had passed. i cant imagine myself doing so many things when school just started. literally,i dont really have a room to breathe.

weekend was spent by revising my works, tutorials and lastly complete the invoices. i feel so tight up. whenever i just completed my invoice, documents start piling up on my computer desk.

at times, i do wonder when will i ever start revising my school work. but last saturday, i just so peeved due to the stress and i put the documents aside and do up my to-do list. it somewhat has helped me. but yeah today when i finally completed some of to-do stuff, my desk pile up with papers again. oh god. i cant stand it. but for the sake of money and my goal to go global summer studies, i have to endure. endure!!!!!!!

this week presentation preparation was completed this morning. back to school for about two hours for discussion and GSS talk.

but apart from school work, one impt thing that i have not done. the stress management seminar. oh god, i havent plan for that seminar! i just hope someone can understand me and help me in someways. argh!

argh, this sem is not gonna be easy for all of us. Presentations and more presentations for almost all my modules. report on GST analysis need to be submitted in two months time.

I hope i can ace all of it. hm.

2010-01-14T09:23:00.003+08:00

yesterday was the start of my new semester. woke up really early in order to catch up with the train and buses. I left my house ard 630am. reached school exactly 830am. had my first public finance lecture. the way the lecturer speaks really makes everyone daydream/sleep. have to endure for two hours. lucky enough, i brought two packets of sweets and biscuits. chewing does make you stay awake. haha.

afterwhich had my intermediate microeconomics lecture. the lecturer is superb. really good. i like the way she speaks and how she delivers the impt points to us.

i didnt manage to grab any food during lunch. queues were long and i need to rush to the bookshop to buy all my books before my chemistry lecture starts. so practically, my day yesterday was like really hectic. rushing from north spine to the south spine. books were expensive and heavy but yeah thats the kind of sacrifices i have to make to see success right?

now my body is aching from carrying all those books. but yeah a good exercise just by carrying the books from boonlay to hougang. haha!

Once ive reached home, i rushed to the kitchen and get some food. im like a hungry ghost.

afterwhich, get myself prepared for a meeting with the malay activities executive committee at punggol park. I was told to be in charged of a seminar on stress management. so now i have to search for someone to conduct the seminar. but yeah shall leave it during the weekends. I have to rush my data entry work before i can start revising my school stuff. wish me luck in facing all the challenges! ;)

2010-01-08T19:08:00.003+08:00

Competition that i can never runaway. competition between the locals and overseas scholars.

but i understand the fact that every challenge makes me stronger.

shall stay optimist.

got an email from ntu. i was given two choices -should i take impact of chemistry on society or fundamental of management? still deciding. hm. shall go for its lectures on my very first week of sem 2.

2010-01-04T10:27:00.002+08:00

past few days were quite hectic and at times fun.

1stjan: started my new year with the girls. watched sherlock holmes. it was a nice show. a little similar to this show known as The Mentalist. Not bad. should watch for those who have not watch yet. afterwhich, we did our normal routine which is Shopping. had our dinner and ive to kinda be back home early to finish up my work which was supposed to due on that day.

eventually, i completed it on sunday. reasons being:

2nd jan: went out with my mum to attend a wedding ceremony. afterwhich, drove my mum home as she needs to settle some paper work with our house's buyer. and then we went out to recee for our new home. and i should say PASIR RIS CANNOT MAKE IT. the houses that we went look either so old or the neighbourhood is super ulu. so i decided to tell my dad that im against moving to pasir ris. actually im against moving out from our house. but yeah, my dad made an impulsive decision alrdy. so no point arguing.

so on the 3rd jan: our recee continues. went sengkang and was kinda attracted with one of the units. alrdy told my mum the kind of design and layout i hope to have in my room as well as the house as a whole. mum agrees. thats mum for me. she always support my idea. and we think alike! haha.

also on the same day, i met weiwei for breakfast! had a great chat with her before i send her home. shall arrange for another meet out session with her!

2009-12-25T13:00:00.006+08:00

alright, yesterday was a super tiring yet fun day. went out with the girls for a movie marathon. seriously, i think avatar was not too bad and chipmunks was super super nice show that one should never missed. we did a little movies marathon yesterday.

after which we had out dinner cum supper at mad jack. food was delicious but yeah the service is really bad.

where we went yesternight after our supper was a really an eye opener place. we went to changi village for sight seeing. cant stop laughing and thinking about certain things.

ong was super high after the sight seeing and we headed down to geylang for another round of sight seeing. night's life is really fun. haha!

our Christmas eve is a special one this year. :p

2009-12-24T11:00:00.003+08:00

Ive been clinging on with this new goal. I want and I must go to London School of Economics and Political Science one day. Ive seen the tuition fees. it is never cheap. haha.

so for now, i must not be spending too much and start saving. i desperately need tuition assignments.

registered in three agencies but none give me a proper convenient assignment. subjects that i know im good at and places that i can travel very easily.

haiz.

today, will be spending time with the girls again. movie marathon. gonna watch chipmunks first before avatar 3d. avatar definitely not my cup of tea. with the additional 3d facility, im pretty reluctant to go in the first place. but nvm, it's fun time today. out of my comfort zone!

I'm still searching for a really nice bag to buy. any recommendations pls let me know! haha.

side note: next week im gonna get my results! ive been thinking about how well or how bad im gonna do. oh god, pls let me pass with flying colours. i need it badly.

Anyway also, this new blog song is my favourite song of the week! listen to the lyrics carefully. it's meaningful! haha

2009-12-23T09:39:00.002+08:00

I feel like going to London School of Economics and Political Science one summer day! haha

2009-12-21T11:20:00.004+08:00

last week was a week filled with never ending thought of A problem.

yesterday went out with the girls but the feeling towards someone is no longer the same.

just dont understand. perhaps someone has left a little scar on me. though it might be small....but still it has left me with a bad memory.

put sad story aside. no point pondering over it for too long. it will only make me grow old much faster.

yesterday met up with the class for breakfast. our usual routine before eunice left for australia. now that she's back, the class breakfast is back! played pool with them. total hours spent playing pool: 2 hours! haha.

after meeting them, met up with the girls as said before. played pool again and went back to my house to watch the perfect getaway! we chatted, browse people's facebook and found out pretty hot news. haha! and yeah drove them back.

THANKS MARIE for the sweet little gift. didnt expect you ask me to shop with you for the stuffs that are meant to be given to us. haha!

also marie, after quite some time, i realised you have a gifted talent too. ACTING! haha.

alright im looking forward to this thurs! movie marathon with ong marie and shirley!

Another random thought of mine.

2009-12-18T19:07:00.005+08:00

sitting down at the corner of the room, typing all this words while my mind is thinking about the past.

how i miss my secondary school days. the time when I finally found my identity.

Study was my hobby at that point in time. consultation after consultation with my maths teacher.

it was also the period of time when i realized, i love maths more than anything else.

Eat maths, sleep maths and breathe maths. i got so obsessed with it most of the time.

Secondary school life was one that i began to dread going to CCA unlike in primary school when i was a little sporty kid.

Secondary School life was also one that i found who my true friends are. people that i dont expect to be with me till this very day when i first stepped my foots at Serangoon sec.

yeah, i miss those days.

same kind of feeling towards my junior college's life. CCC was my second family.

i miss my besties and teachers there.

teachers were really like your best buddies. Teachers and buddies were the one that light up my life during the toughest moment in my college's life

they are included in the category in which you can say the following:

the one that i will laugh out loud till tears of joy rolled down my cheeks.

the one that i could count on when i had problem with my studies.

the one that i must say a good listener. (you can msg them anytime of the day and you will expect a touching yet good reply from them)

the one that i should also say that i can clearly feel the immense energy in their effort to achieve their dreams.

they are the one that motivates me and allowed me to get the kind of results i would never dream myself to get without their presence.

i miss them so much...

What is on your mind

2009-12-17T10:28:00.006+08:00

this update comes in abit late.

eversince that day when you left me speechless, my whole perceptions of you just changed in a blink of an eye.

what is on your mind i wonder.

nothing i said was right in your point of view.

what is on you mind i wonder again.

oh god, ive been holding on with my anger, patience and many more with the hope that our friendship will last forever.

'give in' is what many would suggest when it comes to the point when we need to salvage the friendship.

it is hard for me to phrase it nicely when i talked to you the other day.

what is on your mind i wonder again.

I dont intend to side any parties. i come to realise after our conversation that all said was nothing but the fact that ive been keeping for so long.

people always ponder: what hurts the most? and my ans is the TRUTH. yes, the truth. i always wonder should i or should i not tell you the truth? if i continue hiding the truth, i know things will worsen.

and when i said the truth, what's wrong with you. i didnt expect such a response from you.

i expect nothing but respect from you. everyone has their flaws. why cant we just accept it for the sake of the relationship we had for the past years.

oh my god, i wonder again. what is on your mind?

everyone has their own problems. i have mine too and it is still left unsolved till this very day.

but why cant you for once understand. we respect you for who you are. and we would expect nothing but the same, respect.

why am i feeling so sick again.

2009-12-07T16:35:00.004+08:00

to many things took place last week. Intense pressure thinking about how i can contribute to solve the problem. never did i expect that my brother will end up being like that. May Allah guide him to the right path. he is my brother that i respect the most. please Allah. guide him.

2009-11-24T14:53:00.004+08:00

I'm not gonna talk about my crappy exams paper.
but what i wanna shout out loud is: I'VE GOT MY DRIVING LICENSE!
mum was asking me if im interested to buy a car. but my answer is NO for the time being. hm...a little tempted by the offer actually but yeah still no for THE TIME BEING. haha! i might change my decision.

mum and dad are busy discussing about shifting house. I agree with them totally. shall isolate myself at the end of singapore. hopefully, all the discussion and planning goes well.

counting down to my last paper on the 30th! and WELCOME HOLIDAY!

2009-11-07T10:05:00.002+08:00

alright 10 more days to my first paper. MICROECONOMICS. am i prepared? i should say....erm...maybe partially? had half of the syallabus test last week so revised half of my textbk only. another half more to go.

had my driving lessons this week after one month i didnt touch my beloved steering wheels. haha.
hopefully, next TP is smooth-sailing for me.

yesterday me and azirah were discussing of the place we should go for holiday this december. finding cheap but yet enjoyable one for all of us.
hm....

2009-10-31T09:27:00.002+08:00

yes! ive got back my results for MAS112! and i did it! hahaha
so damn happy to see the results. but yeah cant be too complacent or else the grade might just drop anytime.
got my econs test result too. Im happy about it too. but yeah i have another econs test next week. gonna score well for that too. :)
now, left with stats results. im damn scared pls. the paper was challenging. but nvm...lets hope for the best. :)

2009-10-23T17:46:00.002+08:00

alright now, ive got to complete
1) brainstorm for ideas for assignment 3 --> narative academic essay
2) marketing presentation 3
3) calculus tutorials
4) Economics reading up
6) Economics tutorial
7) Marketing reading up
8) HE 104B tutorialS
9) MATLAB assignment.

nice one

___________________________________________________________

alright updates about my life now!

recently met up with the girls to play pool. great fun! hope to play with them soon.
got to watch fame with them as well. great show!

looking forward for tmr.
meeting sheena and lilian for girls day out.
we have plenty of stuff in mind.
but before all those fun and laughter can ever take place....we gonna study together at hougang point MAC at 8AM. haha. yeah 8am.

2009-10-14T18:09:00.004+08:00

yes, presentation 2 is over! left with one more presentation. was quite happy today coz our grp was praised for defining the market position for lim chee guan correctly. he kept citing our grp's COB over others. dont know should we feel happy, satisfy or worry over this. we are worried that he gives us false hope. haha. but nvm, shall be optimistic and hope for the best. one more graded presentation! hope my grp will ace this one as well. our first presentation was so screwed and we scored 55percents (the lowest), 2nd presentation hopefully he gives us more marks pls. haha.

okay yesterday, had my statistics paper. it was damn challenging pls. the prof still can say it's straight forward. the smartest people in my class even demanded for xtra time pls and still many couldnt do it. wth. haha. hopefully can at least get a B. dont mark too strictly pls. how i wish he read this. wah if he used the bell graph, and turn the Bs...to Cs/Ds...., then i think everyone will screwed that paper. haha!
sat for my calculus paper last sat. there's one minor error. hopefully, the prof dont mark me down so harshly. pls god. haha!
i need to ace these few modules pls....my craft of writing assignment is alrdy so bad lah.

wanted to donate blood today. but decided not to since....no one wanna acc me. what if i fainted. die. i think they will reject me again lah...havent been sleeping enough and consuming healthy food. confirm low blood again.
must persuade someone to join me in the future.

okay, time to chiong my partially done tutorials which ive been neglecting for quite some time due to all these tests and presentation. time to complete my assignment too.

how i wish for a miracle....

2009-10-05T14:47:00.001+08:00

The Climb lyrics

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

2009-10-03T23:37:00.004+08:00

When i saw that pole dropped right in front of me like never before, i was feeling so shitty. I shouted shit so loud that the tester looked at me. he said he knew that i was trying to avoid striking the pole but it wasnt my luck at that point in time because ultimately it striked. what the.....

My heart felt so heavy and was like dropping. utterly disappointed with myself. wasted my parents' money only to give the damn pole failed me. oh god, what's wrong with me. when it has never occured in my practical lessons, it took place during the test. what the....

told my brothers and my parents about my results. i can sense that my mum was really sad for me. my brothers are great people to confide. my elder bro fetched me from the centre immediately after knowing that ive failed....had our lunch together, chatted and shared our views and booked my tp. it will be next month. hopefully it will be alright. hopefully the pole will give me mercy. haha

my second brother sent me such a sweet motivating sms. feel motivated after knowing that there's infinite opportunities out there. there's still hope, fadilah!

alright, after the sad moment, went to meet marie at dhoby gaut to watch SHORTS! initially we wanted to watch ugly truth but....the slot wasnt right.
SHORTS was not bad. then, went to meet ang. we do our shopping together and yes, it was also the time to release my stress!

Allah, i can only hope for nothing but great strengths and patience as i understand that there's a reason behind every mishaps.

Silently i pray...

2009-09-29T12:48:00.002+08:00

recess week has begun.
as time passes, the stress level just naturally goes higher and higher.
seriously, now i understand why some people have trouble coping with additional tutees.
I'm seriously behind time. 2 things that need to be rushed or else my to-do list schedule is totally screwed. great opportunity cost incurred yesterday. almost the whole day spent tutoring. oh god, give me the strength pls. this is my only wish. at times, i wish i could have all the time in the world. but....it's impossible. time is my greatest enemy.

i wonder how and when can i ever enjoy my life. i envy those who are able to stay happy yet get things done.

im trying to stay optimistic. look into the future. and always convince myself in someway that if im able to overcome these hurdles.....i will become a stronger person mentally and spiritually. Amin.

(all is possible if god is on my side)

MY TO-DO LIST.

2009-09-25T19:53:00.003+08:00

Wondering why there's no saturday (3 oct) on my schedule???....because it's shopping and movie time with marie! plus....it's my TP. i dont wanna pressure myself with too many stuff

i must remember this day. TUESDAY: need to go down to chinatown to do thorough research for my marketing. or else......i will die!

2009-09-20T18:46:00.004+08:00

today, we commemorate our victory for being able to face the numerous number of challenges in the month of ramadhan.
Many would be eager to visit the elders and for youngsters like us, we cant wait to collect our green packet.
but this year, the ambience is no longer like any other years. my family started our day by receiving a news that my grandaunt had passed away. our new clothes were thrown to one corner of the room and we put on our dull coloured clothes. rather sad that things changed so suddenly.
although we werent that closed not until recently, ive started to visit her with my mum. she started to shower me with a little concern and love by preparing dates and soy bean for me for break fast since i cant rush back home on time. it was just two weeks ago. but now, she's gone forever. guess god almighty loves her more than we do. may allah bless her soul.

2009-09-18T16:00:00.004+08:00

yeah for some it's a good break for them during this festive holiday but for me, i firstly dont feel that hari raya is round the corner nor do i feel that i should have a deserving break. too many things on my to do list. and ive been rather slack for the past two days. i have to buck up!

today, met up with my tutee for my recent volunteering efforts. she's cute and smart i think! she converse pretty maturely. tuition starts next week at admiralty primary. i have to teach her English which is definitely not in my area of expertise but yeah shall give it a try. And one more subject MATHEMATICS, a subject that i love most!

alright, my stress level is rising quite rapidly. recess break is coming. but the thought of it reminds me of the loads of works that needs to be completed.
oh god, give me strength!

2009-09-16T23:07:00.002+08:00

alright. it has been ages since i last updated. school is getting pretty fine. somehow ive gotten used to the late hours of sleep and the chionging part. haha. Economics lecture test is over. My assignment on infatuation has been submitted. hope it doesnt sound weird. haha! left with 3 more midterm tests to go! but that will be after the recess break. so i have time to revise like mad for these three modules. haha! economics lec test was super confusing please. how i wish i could have an open book test!
but just pray hard i could ace it after so much hard work put in! haha.

met up with marie today and like finally, i watched UP! soon marie will start work. guess....it wont be that easy for all of us to meet. but it's okay. haha!

falling sick soon......

2009-09-04T21:08:00.001+08:00

weekend is here once again. Exhausted and deprived. deprive of a study, life, balance routine. i seriously admit im pretty weak at balancing time. Study is the only thing i could think of whenever i feel bored. Loving the journey bits by bits every day.
Big sacrifices have to be made every second too. Little time for family, friends and that leads me to a state of deprivation. A strong need to getaway from all this but just nature has at times stopped me from spending time with them. there seems to be way too much opportunity cost.
Coffee is my favourite drink eversince school started. It helps me quite alot in staying awake for long hours.
too much reading up to do but too little time. used to dread reading...but now im beginning to embrace it really well.
My buddies in uni is getting closer and closer as time passes. great to know that actually there are indeed people who are there with/for you through the stormy sea and cloudy skies(when things get seriously uncertain).
Mid term tests are drawing near. Submission of assignments will be in a week time. hope i can complete it on time.

2009-09-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

Presentation tmrw! slides are done except for some minor amendments made to some slides. rehearsal tmrw at 1030am. all formal tmrw! for the very first time after so many years, im wearing shoes with heels again!

2009-08-31T20:46:00.000+08:00

It has been 1 week plus fasting. Seriously have gone through a week full of challenges. Challenges make me a better muslim yeah.

alright, two more days to my first presentation for this new phase of education. Excited, scared are all i could say. haha.
okay, lets talk about the weekend.
weekend was fine especially the day when the girls meet up to celebrate shirley's bday.believe it or not ive watched the proposal for the second time! so no comment. :p when i first watched it, it was great. but for second time, satisfaction level isnt the same yeah? let me apply my economics. this is called law of diminishing return. ;)

i was taught to play mahjong. somehow ive grasped the techniques.not bad. feel like playing it again. but no gambling yeah!

2009-08-27T23:38:00.000+08:00

ARGH! statistics is giving me a terrible nightmare please. ive been trying to solve a question for nearly an hour alrdy! and ive got 15 questions to complete by tmrw morning! oh god, i wanna be smarter please. what was taught during lecture is still quite easy to understand. but...the tutorial is....horrible. terrible and all the -ble in the world.

argh! ive got millions of things to complete and it will never be completed trust me. marketing grp meeting tmrw and also YRP meeting. im looking forward to the end of the day. I need a BREAK pls!

Life is getting more and more discouraging. I know....that something within me has kept me going and the strong word to describe this thing is indeed DREAM. I'm getting all the headaches after thinking way too much and doing too much stuff like never before. timetable very slack...but wonder why....what is expected from us for each subject is never that relaxing.
Study is my favourite pastime now. Distance travelled till now to school if i were to sum up will be.......distance to BANGKOK seriously. haha. im not gonna whine about the travelling time because ive gotten use to it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....can someone for god sake erase all the thoughts of doing work and all from my mind and give me a whole day of break!

2009-08-25T23:57:00.001+08:00

As time passes, one obstacle after another....never fail to pull me down. But nothing is more encouraging than to see your friends going through this tough times and good times together.
Met a few good friends in calculus. pretty certain they are those people who will run along with me to the finishing line during this intense period A senior i met in calculus never fails to guide me through the curriculum planning and enlighten me with lots of unique questions and concepts. Great to know her.
Finally, marketing project outlines are almost ready to be submitted
our group kinda came out with lots of ideas initially. proud of them coz they were so engaged in giving comments. good way to ensure that our proposed plan doesnt side track. made our conclusion today and outlines are ready to be submitted tmrw!
okay, marketing tutorial questions are really bothering me. the questions are like all over the book and that also mean i must do some speed reading for some chapters coz it is never possible to like read possible 20 chapters in the shortest period of time right? hahaha
okay, i should stop whining. haha. but my classmates were kinda confused on how to complete the tutorial. haha. however, ive done 95% of it? not too good though. still think most of the points raised dont make any sense. but just do it man! haha. practice makes perfect right????

okie dokie. have to go. a long day tmrw!

2009-08-21T19:37:00.004+08:00

Yes today is Friday. used to look forward to every weekend for some chilling sessions with the girls but hmph in this whole process of chasing dreams, lots of sacrifices needed. Really miss chatting with them about some random stuff instead of school stuff. Have tonnes of things to complete especially maths. im looking forward for next friday because.....to sum up next week, i feel that i have somehow settle down by then. Dont have to like chiong two tutorials for calculus at one go like i have to do this weekend since this week is the final week for the add/drop courses period. everything is somehow confirm.

marketing is really fun but i have yet to revise two chapters on sustainable marketing. Lecturer went really really fast the other day. lucky enough, read the notes beforehand. not so lost at the very least.
Economics revision is almost done except for tutorials. (finally understand elasticity!!!)
Statistics done.
Calculus, no comment but grasping the ideas/formulas/concepts pretty well.

I CAN DO IT!

2009-08-20T21:06:00.004+08:00

Started my day with craft of writing lecture. it was really fun and engaging lecture and i believe everyone will agree with me. We were reminded to create our own diary or web blog. Reason being, they would want to encourage us to write with our own style, tone and most importantly the BE YOURSELF concept. Totally agree that writing is not a gifted thing. We can be a good writer anytime as long as we are willing to learn. Craft of writing is a total opposite concept from general paper. no great emphasis on grammar, thesis and all other things that we used to learn in gp. We were told not to consider this subject as a bane but instead embrace it with lots of sincerity. All the bad habits that ive learnt from gp must be put aside. Thank god that my craft of writing teacher is so happy go lucky kind of person. enjoy and always look forward for the workshop. She reminded me of my general paper teacher back in jc.

Alright, ive also bought my calculus book. Super thick but kinda motivated to study because the book looks really nice. haha!
read a few pages on the train. Quite alright if i werent thinking way to complex. Hm, i must say goodbye to my weekend again. Im way behind time for calculus. Everyone has gone through tutorial one and gonna start tutorial two next week but because i just got my module today, i have to do some catching up and self study during the weekend.

Marketing project has begun. Our presentation is in two weeks time and we have started brainstorming on which companies we wish to research on. thought of a few and i hope i could raise it in the next lesson. We have to make sure also that these companies have critical weakness to tackle. Hm, pretty sure my group could do it well enough.

alright, weekend is drawing near. my head is spinning as i think of all the work to be done.
Hope to complete everything at the shortest time possible so that i could spend time with my friends during the weekend. Pretty much miss the good old times. But yeah i cant turn back time just like that right. No choice. Live life and stop procrastinating.

Lets put all the tutorials and revisions aside. Lets talk about friends that ive met instead.
Friends in Uni come and go since we dont really meet for every lessons.However, i do make some close friends. They are really outgoing and great companions to be with. We always exchange views on certain things and at the same time we learn and enjoy the time spend. They are funny bunch of people as well. great to have met them. May we face the obstacles ahead together!

Alright signing off and it's time to study!

2009-08-19T19:37:00.000+08:00

Finally, managed to get all the 5 subjects. Got into Calculus module. Not sure if i should feel overjoy over the fact that i got an elective (like finally) or.....start whining over the fact that it's CALCULUS!

2009-08-18T23:40:00.006+08:00

Life can never be the same eversince school started.
Everyone's eyes is on you wherever i go. I feel the immense pressure as time goes by. A feeling that it's hard to describe. At times, the tears just naturally run down my cheek. A weak girl hiding behind those smiles is what i am. I notice some changes in me. I just fail to control my temper. I was hoping people could understand what i'm going through But i think they fail to even try to understand. My message always doesnt get across nicely to them. It's just so frustrating to know people are not trying to understand. I hope they can see some lights as to what im going through.

The words said have been bothering me since 1 hour ago. I feel so upset and disappointed. I have never been looked upon as an adult that can be trusted? I need companies to guide me through. what is freaking wrong with that.

It's intolerable! My patience has its limit and it is at its boiling point right now.

Allah, give me strength. thats all i need.

2009-08-14T15:56:00.002+08:00

First week of school is headache and tiring. I must say that my timetable isnt that demanding as i had in JC but.....the demand for every courses that im taking is of course two times tougher. Ive been telling myself to stop whining and procrastinating. I can see numerous number of obstacles ahead of me. hopefully i have the strength to face them all.

today, had my probabilty and statistical lecture. It was indeed a difficult subject. Everyone tends to do mental calculations to do some tedious problem sums or write their solutions like a bullet train. Those are the people im competing with. pretty scary. Allah, please give me strength.
Lots of reading up to do for marketing, statistics and microecons. Till now the only reading up ive done was on the bus or train. Everyday got home late. I hope i have a car! haha. Tutorials need to be done soon.

Ive got 1 more elective to bid on. It is a disastrous waiting process. Please god...can someone drop that module! I dont want to end up doing PHYSICS! you know PHYSICS and ME just cant be together! hahaa.

alright, i have to go! I have yet to prepare my tuition revision tests for the next two days.

2009-08-10T18:19:00.001+08:00

Fadilah has finally learnt how to cook fried rice!
Guess what? for the past two days, my fried rice has been both in demand and cleared from the wok quite fast. haha.
so happily satisfied! Ive planned to do some changes with the ingredients and come out with new dishes. That is just my plan but not gonna execute it just yet. haha!

okay, tmrw i need to go to school. There's tutorial for my probability and statistic module and the tutorial will be just for an hour! cool right? haha! My little devil friend (myself) told me to just ignore the tutorial
'cause it is not worth the trip but still IM GOING! haha!

2009-08-09T22:20:00.002+08:00

Ive been out with my family lately. Went Jb yesterday. Not much to say but one simple word,exhausting. haha! Brought some notes with me to do some reading up in advance 'cause this week it might just past quite fast. Lessons are all in the afternoon except for friday. Not much to whine about with regard to lessons and all but more of to the trip to/from school. I believe i will get use to it pretty soon. ;)

Not meeting up with marie tmrw. Mind pretty engage with some school stuff. probably after most things are settled, we shall meet up for our next movie marathon! haha!

2009-08-06T20:31:00.002+08:00

Phew.
just came back from my lovely NTU school!
cant understand why NTU always give me a home-like feeling. Im beginning to love it more every steps i take. A whole day ceremony from 930am. but glad that most of the course mates are friendly. Also, deep down inside me ive been telling myself after today, there's no room for me to slack!

at the point in time when i have to make my pledge as NTU student, i felt a sense of ownership and somehow see the the need to be someone who should always give logical reasoning. Half of the time, I see my future in NTU. Another half of the time, i see myself mugging like hell. Im hoping to make even more friends on the first day of school next week!

Bidding for modules also starts next week 11august at 7pm. I MUST REMEMBER!
Not only that, Ive to start printing my lecture notes and assignments now! time to start reading up.

2009-08-03T22:09:00.001+08:00

lately, ive been doing some online shopping. bought a blue colour ipod nano and some bags online. online shopping is easy as 123. haha. click click click. so fun. but...normally when i have to check out my bills....i tend to delete some out. pretty scary to realise that you shop more than you need.

yesterday, had a great time chatting plus shopping with marie. finally, bought a headset for my mp3 and notebook!

advise to marie: i cant wait to see you in LOCAL uni. bare that in mind and never ever doubt yourself. Have faith in yourself like i have faith in you!

2009-08-02T11:27:00.000+08:00

done with matriculation and registration of my 3 core subjects. Life is not gonna be the same once school starts that is what i can conclude after seeing my timetable. But yeah my course mate who is in the same econs class as me in junior college says...we must stay positive! hahaha. yeah we must! gonna face the challenges together man even though for this sem we are not gonna study the same thing together!
but nvm, we've alrdy planned to exchange notes.

yeah, gonna start the semester with microecons! back to demand and supply theories again! but this time round it wont be as dry as last time! yeah!

okie dokie,
today, i will be out with the girls. will update more later!

2009-07-31T00:13:00.002+08:00

Finally i can edit some stuffs on my blog! i realised i can only start doing it after midnight...funny blog. hahaha.
okay today,

to do list:

matriculate!
timetable!
Bursary!
PSEA!

okay, these must be done soon!

Decision making

2009-07-30T11:12:00.007+08:00

Looks like i have to give up one course for this sem and that will be maritime studies.
Trying to pursue an extra course for econs and get it over and done with. Ive seen the study plan the department has set up for us. I dont have to worry much since i still can take more than 1 elective in year 2.

Pardon me. these few days it will be all about my decision. hahaha. if i dont write somewhere....my head will start spinning as a result of thinking way too much. seriously. hahaha. now that ive seen how's my plan will be like....i can do and consider more things calmly.

2009-07-28T22:58:00.004+08:00

today, ive received an email informing me to get my course code ready and all.
Have to decide on how my timetable should run. Matriculation date is drawing near. Took this whole day deciding on the courses i would like to take for 1st semester.
I believe strongly that ive made the right choice. Just hope NTU will give me a green light.
Planning to take minor in psychology and elective in maritime. lucky enough, my dream is not totally abandoned.
ive also planned on my next semester courses just in case i make any impulsive decisions next year. For the time being, i just need to observe what some courses are all about. If everything goes as planned, I would want to consider forensic science as my next sem elective. Really great having the Freedom of Choice. Just that im a lil blur of how some things are run. Pretty sure i will get use to the system soon.

2009-07-26T23:40:00.006+08:00

weekend was well spent seriously. It's all about keeping fit and learning new things.

Saturday: swimming session with the girls. yang yang taught me the right way of swimming. it went pretty fine for me but it was indeed exhausting. hahaha. there's lots of laughters and moments where we shared our childhood memories. wonder why suddenly had a recollection of fond memories from our childhood? we were observing a group of girls running about an empty space near kovan carpark. The definition of CHILDHOOD has somehow turned obscure for today's generation kids. then, we talked about the future. wonder if all of us could still meet at the same spot for our chilling session in 50 years or more down the road. haha.
alright after a period of exchanging views, we played pool. yang yang has made the whole environment filled with so much laughters. Yang yang can be such a patriotic singapore citizen one day. seriously. she has been singing the national day song from the start of the pool session till the end. Bravo yang!
okay. finally also, i managed to stock up my stationaries before school term starts.

Ntu economics... i cant stop thinking about it! so excited! i got even more excited after reading the modules for 1st semester! there's one module that attracts my attention. MASTER IN COMMUNICATION and CRAFT OF WRITING! thats it. thats the module. Ive been wondering how some economists deliver their arguments effectively in term of writing and also communicating. Yeah, admit that in junior college back then i was taught some of these skills. but...im so eager right now to sharpen that skills! yeah!

sunday: went out with my family. we decided to spend our sunday at our johor bahru's house. had so much fun. washed my dad's car. drove around the neighbourhood. shopped and ate lots of food! whenever i go JB, i will never forget to stuff myself with food! the food there is really nice.
hohoho

2009-07-25T10:19:00.001+08:00

i still cant upload photos :((((

2009-07-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

crap. something is really wrong with the blog. can they quickly solve this problem?!

trying to upload the pic that we as a class captured last sunday but too bad not now.

today, took the effort to flip thru my old maths JC txtbook. revised some concepts. people may think im insane to start revising when school semester is not gonna start yet. Accepted another tuition offer. I think it is a good platform for me to brush up on my concepts and get ready for school.

pretty scary to hear the word SCHOOL. in the past few months, im so eager to start school. now im having mixed feeling. not hating, disliking, dread school. but....just hope the journey that im embarking is worth fighting for all this while.

Hoping that i will face minimal disappointment.

Hoping that i could do a miracle.

Hoping that i could excel.

Hoping that my friends will accompany me thru this whole journey together.

hoping that i will wear that dress with my mortar board on my head and holding my cert tightly in my hand.
thats my goal! i dream of it every night. not a single moment, it slips thru my mind.
May Allah give me his blessings.

2009-07-19T20:18:00.003+08:00

On a happier note, watched harry potter and the half blood prince with ang and marie yesterday. Out of 5, i will give 4. the last point that is missed out is partially due to the fact that i couldnt figure out how's the ending like. maybe because i was busy chewing...hahaha.

afterwhich we went around bugis village to shop for some stuffs and rushed down to kovan to play pool with yang2.
i must say...we played pretty well though we lost towards the end..haha! seriously. we never had such a tough game not until last night everyone played super well.

alright girls. lets meet up again this week. to do some exercises. we have sort of plan for this week activities. gonna play badminton and swimming!

2009-07-19T19:34:00.003+08:00

Alright, today is a rather sad day. The class met up not for breakfast but instead we have to send eunice off at the airport. All the best to you, eunice! All of us must meet once again upon your arrival here in october okay! must honestly say that she's the one in the class who is responsible for all the gatherings. i wonder when will we ever meet again. joan says lets give eunice a visit in aust one day. but....we must start saving first okay. haha.

seriously, i think eunice is a strong girl. i wonder if i can ever survive if i were in her position. she went there on her very first day alone!

nvm...like i said she's a strong girl.

must let her know...that the class is always by her side no matter what. Best wishes to her. i cant wait to see eunice back in singapore with her degree...and i cant wait to call her a forensic pathologist expert!

2009-07-16T15:11:00.003+08:00

yesterday, went to heartware for a small chit-chatting session with other volunteers for the Yellow Ribbon tuition prog. It went well. afterwhich head down to kovan...just for a stroll. I'm seriously bored.

today, after driving lesson i was told to book my TP test. hahaha. went to kovan to book and guess what. the waiting time is three months! shoot. it will be on the 3rd october. planning to cancel like 2 lessons for this month...and drag them to next month. so next month it will be spread out every week. hopefully, im able to do the same thing for september.
Ive already planned from the start the amount of money to invest on this practical thing and TP. based on my current calculations...it is pretty fine. hahaha. ;)
alright, tmrw back to ubi for test route trial i guess.

okay, enough of practical. finally bought for mum beancurds and breakfast for brother. ive been to kovan for so many times...and it's either i forgt to buy for her or it's too late. haha.

2009-07-10T19:09:00.005+08:00

driving lessons are getting more exciting.
1st session: drove in the circuit for like 30 mins only. but fun lah.

2nd session: drove on the road. I was a lil surprised when my instructor gave me such a dangerous task for my 2nd session. hahaha. but told him, i must try to challenge myself. no harm right? but actually i did create alot of harm to other road users...hahah! sudden break at the zebra crossing has almost caused me to hit a BMW car. but luckily, i didnt. phew! i was scolded for speeding. haha! but nice.

3rd session: drove on the road again! today greater challenge. drove from buangkok to punggol end...to SSS and back again for like so many times. had a great time seriously. dont feel like ending the session. but too bad i cant drag further. hahaha! manage to do U-turn though still a lil bit hm...imperfect..? haha! but driving is very fun!
my instructor has been talking to me about accidents...some really make me feel like puking! hahaha. scary...im gonna try to be a good driver seriously. hahaha.

tmrw out with my class to see firworks!
sunday; meet up with them again for our seoul garden meal! woohoo.

some decision-making issue; was called up yesterday morn by heartware network with regard to providing tuitions for some kids in conjunction of the yellow ribbon project. i was kinda indecisive at first. i know myself really well. teaching isnt my cup of tea.
but...when i was told that it will be for the poor kids..i cant bare to say no and plus i always remember what my mum told me...i must share my knowledge and never be selfish.
and finally after much consideration, i said yes.
;)

went back to school today. i cant describe how much i miss sitting on one of the benches outside the HOD room...mugging...chatting...joking...consultations..omg. i cant turn back time to the past...but i will always keep it as the best memories ever.

2009-07-06T15:29:00.005+08:00

have been out lately. had a great time.

fri: met up with the girls at city hall to have a small celebration for ong. had our dinner at breeks. the food is so delicious. then head down to esplanade to have some fresh air and at the same time camwhoring (our usual typical group favourite's pastime) . hahaha!

sat: wedding ceremony. ntg much to say.

sun: had a small class gathering at kovan mac where we had our breakfast together and do some catching up. afterwhich we head down to compass to play arcade! so fun.
after so much fun, we have to say goodbye. then went to amk hub with ang and marie to shop for some stuffs for the upcoming camp. im broke again! haha! went vivo to shop for marie's wallet! finally she got one after months of searching for the right one. hahaha. the whole sun took me from one end of singapore to the centre then to the other end. really tired but fun!

2009-06-30T17:58:00.002+08:00

got the camp invitation from school of humanities and social science. went to their blog and facebook to have a glance of what the FOC is all about. not interested to join.
lucky, found two friends in the same course. at least i wont get lost on my first day. haha!
but im still joining the qadeemulkanaz camp for the muslims. it's time for me to learn a lil more about islam through this camp. haha!

2009-06-29T21:56:00.002+08:00

updates! haha!

sunday: went out with parents and afterwhich rushed home, to meet marie before we head down to bishan to find leather bag but we couldnt find one affordable one...so we then head down to cine to have our lunch first before we carry on with the search! hahaha. but at the end of the day....we didnt get any. finally decided to turn away our focus from leather bag to perfume.
we indeed had a difficult time deciding which perfume is nice. haha!
went around and unexpectedly something happen to ang's slipper! haha
so we rushed down to kovan before it closes. lucky enough, she managed to buy a new pair of slippers. then....we, the pool's addict, decided to play pool again. hahaha. im pretty certain today that my skills are rottening. hahaha. it's getting from bad to worse!

today: went fo my medical check up at NTU. pretty normal to get lost in such a big school. then i walked past my school. it's so new! so motivated to study now!

2009-06-27T15:31:00.003+08:00

everyone is talking about the King of Pop's death.
seriously, it's rather shocking. but death is inevitable.his contributions to the world is just countless. i remember him as a man who sang the song 'Beat it'. this song kept running through my mind endlessly when i was kid. that is the first english song that i listen to. totally amaze by his unique way of dancing and importantly his voice can never be replaced by any souls on earth!
May god blessed his soul.

2009-06-26T13:44:00.006+08:00

NTU economics here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!
loving it!

okie dokie. today ive just received my appeal results and also lots of camp invitations. chose 3 and gonna decide on which one to go! there's one that attracted me most. Qadeemulkanaz camp for the muslims! watch their videos online. so cool! BUT Fadilah also wanna know when is the economics freshmen camp! haha. as for my appeal results, ive alrdy let go of my plan of getting into maritime. they alrdy stated there clearly that spaces in maritime are super limited. ive let go of this short term goal. but my dream never changed yeah. diverted but my dream is gonna be the same!! i will be stronger emotionally and mentally from this day onwards!

Cliche word of wisdom: what dont kill you will only makes you stronger!
Full of energy!
Allah has a point in giving me this path.
fadilah!

2009-06-26T12:50:00.004+08:00

Here are the photos taken during the farewell. ;) it's never too late to share. haha!

2009-06-22T10:19:00.003+08:00

I just cut my hair. it feels much lighter and it's frigging short. hahahaha!
my hair needs some special touch next week again!

today, an activity i cant wait is....mr rafi's farewell cum gathering for SSS's prefects.
i cant wait to meet my seniors and my juniors! i miss 06'excos alot!

2009-06-18T23:19:00.003+08:00

Fadilah feels super guilty today. she spent nearly a thousand for lots of things after she wishes to stop thinking too much on alot of matters. SHE IS BROKE now!

2009-06-18T12:45:00.004+08:00

had a great time yesterday despite the flu that is bugging me
was overjoyed with sheena's achievement. haha! proud of her for being such a fast learner!
i seemed to encounter some problems while uploading some photos of sheena's attempt to cycle. i guess the system doesnt want me to upload. haha! but yeah...there are some posted here!

anyway that aside. today's tuition has given me a point about me to ponder on. i was indirectly told that im not fierce enough and was way too patient on this kid. am i? i was firm lah. sometimes i unconsciously raised my voice and scolded him lah. i guess the parents missed that part. haha. okay. from now onwards, i dont care about what they have to say. im gonna be myself! thats it

2009-06-16T19:50:00.004+08:00

Fadilah is sure to fall sick again!
Flu flu go away come again another day after tmrw please.. :( haha

wonder why it must be after tmrw?
because tmrw i wanna cycle! it has been darn long since i last cycle
haha!

2009-06-16T14:02:00.002+08:00

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

there are no boundaries

I fought to stand on the edge
what if today is good as again
don't know what the future is
nothings gonna bring me down

2009-06-15T22:56:00.007+08:00

both sunday and monday are well-spent. great days with the girls. It seems like we have set aside our weekends for our girl's dates. haha! im looking forward to every weekend now.
yesterday, we finally tried the luge and skyride after so long....hahaha
feel like doing it again!
today, went amk hub to meet them and watched the ghost of the girlfriends past. was great lah. haha.
up next, we will have our cycling sessions, swimming, basketball, pool and many more! woohoo
love u girls alot! more than words can say. ;)

2009-06-13T22:10:00.013+08:00

past few days i have been thinking if getting into ECONOMICS is really what im fated to do.
my parents are really supportive about me getting into economics.
wonder why...

guess what i do to make myself have positive outlook about economics? hahaha
went online to check out the top courses in singapore. and .....guess what?! economics is one of the top 5 courses. hahaha! hey, this makes me feel all gear up for august okay!
FATE.
i was wondering just now...all this while, whatever ive planned..it will end up with little/no results but..BUT yeah....when i get into a place that is totally not my preferred place..i will end up loving that place more than i could imagine in the place that i initially wanted to be at.

take for eg.
Serangoon sec wasnt the school of my choice..but after 4 years, i cant bare to let go the experiences i had over there. an experience i could never get in any other places. ive enjoyed and excel throughout my stint there.

same goes for my choice of junior college.
i didnt get what i dreamt of. but........in SRJC, they indeed groom me into someone with Imagination, Character and Values. ive never regret being there. still, i excel and enjoyed my life there.

so....im thinking that...as for my uni course. that will be another setback ive to face. better reap something good out of my whole course of studies. i will achieve my dream but at....a slower pace. but it doesnt matter yeah? haha!

anyway, ive already started to embrace econs. actually econs is an interesting subject which really needs thorough analysis of both present and future economy. not bad.

2009-06-13T09:52:00.005+08:00

yesterday, went out with mum, sis and elder bro to amk hub. guess we really spent like mad. i feel guilty. hahahah!
then...
Met up with the girls at city hall. the crowd there are overwhelming. so many people and while waiting for ang to come, me and marie tried to figure out the number of people that walk passed us but it's impossible. everyone is turning into ATM machines...money come out from their pocket without much thoughts. PC show really a good bargain i guess.
and yah not forgetting. we bought the smiling shirt from giordano. all of us are required to wear it this coming monday. i think we are gonna be cute when we wear the smiling shirt.

alright up next....this sunday girls! our luge and skyride date! i cant wait!

2009-06-11T15:53:00.003+08:00

I'm trying to redirect my mind to think optimistically.
this whole waiting process is getting me hooked up with my impatient attitude.
getting frustrated for no reasons. just hoping that it is on its way. please for god sake. argh
perhaps ive been facing too many setbacks one after another.
rejections....screwed up plan for my future and all. yeah, im trying to convince myself with the term 'there's a reason behind this' but cant tolerate it anymore. I have this fear that if i were to think way too optimistically, i will end up giving myself false hopes. i dread that feeling.

just received my admission package yest. too many things to settle now. and appeal results are still not out yet. haiz.

alright, on a happier note..im trying to get myself a lil high with all the activities alrdy lined up.
tmrw, meeting the girls. do a lil shopping to destress myself and get away from those thoughts.

2009-06-08T20:29:00.003+08:00

alright. plan some activities with marie. this coming sun we will go sentosa for our luge and skyride attempt! hahahaha!
cant wait cant wait cant wait! so excited, marie!

Whenever I see you,I'll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

2009-06-06T19:40:00.009+08:00

Here's the pics taken on thurs ;)

2009-06-05T21:30:00.004+08:00

yesternight, had some fun-filled activities with ang and marie.
went orchard to accompany ang buy her nike jacket which she has been dreaming about eversince last sat. hahaha.
me and marie haiz....must wait for our pay to roll in before we could start our shopping spree! hahaha! poor us yeah. for me it would be next month..:(
ive to control my spendings. hahaha!
okie dokie. after ang bought her jacket, we had our dinner followed by a pool session.
a crazy meet up yesterday. instead of playing, we spent some time taking funny shots. will upload the photos once marie send it to me. ;)

2009-06-03T21:56:00.003+08:00

I WANT TO GET INTO MARITIME STUDIES!

thats the words ive been keeping in my mind for so long.
AAAARGGGHHH

2009-05-31T21:42:00.008+08:00

my mind dont look quite settled down......
pretty worried about certain things.
dread the thought of this week.
cant wait to stop tutoring the present kid...and start a new beginning with two pri kids. hopefully i'm strong and patient enough to teach them.
teaching is seriously not my cup of tea but yeah...i have to accept this offer since my life now is pretty boring.
tmrw shall shop for some assesment books for the kids. i've to start from scratch again but it's okay....i hope i could gather their weakness and turn it into strength.

this morning couldnt have a good sleep...had a bad dream. seriously the thought of not getting what i want is seriously hurting me though i try to deny at times.
woke up having to realise that tears run down my cheeks...it seems so real.
the fear of seeing the loved ones disappointed when i failed.
i hope it is just a dream. and not gonna happen in reality.

dreams is just a dream yeah.
hope everything will be alright for me coming august.

2009-05-30T23:21:00.007+08:00

enjoyed myself for the past few days.
Passed my FTT and gonna proceed with the practicals in july.
Met up with marie on thurs at vivo to shop for gifts for her friends as well as to satisfy my craving over marks and spencers digestive biscuits. hahaha!
friday was super fun day too!
met up with my fellow classmates to celebrate eunice's birthday cum class gathering. great time seriously!
wanted to have a class movie outing today bt seems like everyone is busy with somethings.
Me and ang finally made up our mind to watch dance, subaru with marie today!
dance, subaru! is a super super super great show that you should watch!
it is a source of motivation for me! it's about a young girl who continues to push on despite countless criticisms and setbacks she have to face before she could finally pursue her dream as a professional dance teacher by winning the glory in an international competition.
truly inspiring. i almost cried at some parts of the movie. darn nice!
up next, we gonna watch another movie in mid june...seems like we have watched almost all the movies on the list right, marie? hahaha!
movie marathon for the past few weeks.

2009-05-26T11:56:00.005+08:00

Indeed we have no control over death but i believe one could live life the way they want it to be before we stop breathing. we have total control of our destiny but at times we just fail to make the right plans and execute the right actions.

I have appealed to maritime and just hoping for the best now.
If my appeal is unsuccessful, i hope i can control my emotions and stay focus.
it still means that doors with great opportunities are still right in front of me.

Last sunday, had a great time changing my views with marie.
hey buddy, i will be waiting for you in uni. so better lay out ur plans now. hahaha!
Also, we managed to satisfy our craving. craving over a movie.
Night at the musuem 2 was an awesome show! two thumbs up! 10/10 for this show!
the theatre we went to was super grand! me and marie thought that we were in the wrong room initially. but actually it was right. haha!

alright up next shall be the dance subaru!
finding ways to tempt yangyang to join us. but too bad, she has lots of commitments. hope our efforts to tempt her will work next week. haha! ;)

okay, this morning i was looking at my theory booking receipt and i realised that i got all the dates wrong. tmrw is the e-trial test and thurs is the final test. shoot! hahaha. but yeah, revising the theory now...studied a few weeks back but only a few percents went in...haha!

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come,

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of my friends

Rest in peace buddy

2009-05-24T13:49:00.004+08:00

He was someone in the class that i was hoping to make it big one day.
I have yet to see him grow fit and confident man.
He has never say no when i asked for his help.
I've never seen him giving up in anything he does.
yesterday, after hearing what mr nordin says, i feel totally devastated but couldnt bring myself to cry anymore. kept my tears throughout the entire wake. just hope that he could still put on a smile when he sees us instead of feeling upset to see us in that state. buddy, why did you still pushed on despite the suffering you had. Your mind is as strong as ever but your body couldnt accept it anymore. buddy, you truly inspire me with ur strong spirit that ive never seen before.
i hope you are alright up there. i hope there's someone to accompany you. i hope you are still smiling. i hope no one bullies you.
rest in peace kaizheng.
thanks for giving me stronger reasons to continue breathing and to strive for the best. you truly inspire me.

2009-05-22T18:55:00.006+08:00

No one knows when he will face the God Almighty. No one knows when he will be the last time they will see their loved ones.

Early this morning, i received a shocking news from my classmate. KaiZheng has passed away.
i was extremely sad and shocked to hear this news.
one would never expect someone to just go away without last words.
we have never seen him for darn long. neither did we expect that we wont see him forever. May god bless his soul.
haiz.
tmrw my class with some other schoolmates and teachers will be going for his wake. i hope all of us wont breakdown to tears. :'(

Last year around the same period of time, we had a similar feeling when one of our classmate faisal passed away. this year...another good friend of us passed away. the most caring humble person on earth has gone forever. may god bless him. :'(

OH MY GOD!

2009-05-20T23:28:00.007+08:00

i was so happy when i read the email. i was praying hard that they reject me from this whole ndp ushering thingy. somehow i think i cant work with them. hahaha. the whole interview left both the interviewers and myself a bad impression of one another. just cant accept their eye contacts,gestures and sniggering during the interview. it distracted me quite alot and my words went haywire as a result. after me and marie left the place, i told myself not to ever get involve in any of these craps anymore. not blaming the interview session itself because i should be able to withstand those noises and faces that are distracting me. i think thats not where i belong coz on my way there, i felt that im dragging myself there with a heavy heart. i guess i need a new volunteering environment. a brand new journey. yeah, i did make an impulsive decision a few weeks back with regard to this volunteering thingy. but....this is a lesson learned. the next time round, i shall not get too excited over such offers and yeah, gonna be wise enough to make the right choice in the future.

my to-do list now:

1) read two more self-help books before uni starts
2) study my FTT
3) watch night at the musuem 2 with marie

2009-05-18T16:22:00.005+08:00

Last two days were great days for me apart from the interview session i had.
yesterday, celebrated ang's bday at tampines mall. before celebration, we watched X-men. Honestly, i'm not the type who will watch such a show...but i think overall it was a money well-spent. out of 10, i will give 8 maybe. not too bad.

up next marie, we shall watch NIGHT AT THE MUSUEM 2!!!!!!!!
im looking forward to it. haha

alright last sat, i received an email from SMF requesting for my supporting documents. i was given two choices which is to either email them or send them personally. i was hoping i could send them but sunday, no one works!as for emails... emails gave me lots of problems. ive to resend my emails so many times but i will end up getting a failure notice from their network provider. hahaha. but i guess this is another challenge ive to face. almost wanna give up trying but like i said before, i wont let my little devil take control of my mind. the date due is today. so i thought i will be late in submitting it. so emailed the person to notify him to double check with him if it's still okay to submit. received green light from him this morning...
so this morning, i decided to rush down to robinson road after ive got my documents all prepared and binded nicely.

on my way there, i lost my way somehow somewhere but lucky enough one good soul offered to show me the direction. Worst still, it was raining quite heavily just now....so this is another challenge i have to face in order to ensure my documents reached there on time. It seems like an omen to me trying to psycho my mind to just give up trying. but yeah, didnt give up. finally i reached there safely. somehow, when i stepped into the building i felt a strong sense of attraction. how i wish i could work there one day. everyone is neatly and formally dress and plus the environment is so freaking nice. haha. the officer who speaked to me was polite and yeah..i felt so welcome. hopefully, i will receive good news from them. praying hard! they want me to try appealing to maritime coz that is the preferred course of study for the scholarship. yeah, no worries man. i will appeal appeal and appeal. hahah. hopefully, the appeal is approved.

i have to really hope for the best and pray hard.

2009-05-17T00:42:00.004+08:00

morning, woke up a lil early to go down to hougang point to couch azie and nor with their maths. had a great time polishing my work before uni starts. must start loving statistics too.

okay....afterwhich, rushed down to heartware with marie. im just so peeved with myself okay. did darn badly for my ndp interview yesterday. was so bad. i tink this is the worst interview ive ever had. i just simply cant control my mind from getting distracted with some things. but yeah. its over. i cant change it. but....haiya. i could have done better sia. shoot shoot shoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alrighto.....had a serious talk with marie and yang yang this evening after some shopping spree...i made up my mind about what is absolutely ideal for my future. versatility is important. having analytical thinking is another impt point. to be decisive is another plus point. so.....economics seems to promise me a good all-rounded experience. i still very certain that i can achieve my goal...just in a unique way. a very unique way. dad and mum are against my idea of appealing for maritime. like i said, i wont have any regrets if i land into economics....it will still get me somewhere to maritime or at least near to it. i believe i can reap something out during my stint in uni. i will, can, must man!

okie dokie. yesterday bought some stuffs. a destressing session after my gloomy day! so peeved lah.
marie has to be my victim yesterday. i keep whining and pouring my frustration to her! lucky enough, she could still tolerate it. hahahha. thanks marie. afterwhich, we played pool. guess today not my day! lost lots of games. but nvm man! fadilah's energy will be back soon! rematch man!

2009-05-15T13:20:00.006+08:00

I take control of my destiny! my path is deviated significantly. but there's always a reason behind the outcome i received. a reason for me to stay strong and push on!

after much consideration and research done, i'm pretty sure that even if i land into economics, i wont have any regrets at all. indeed, Ntu economics dont have much outstanding background yet due to the fact that it is newly established a few years back. but that is not the reason why i cant have a promising future. School is not the factor i should worry about. instead, i should worry about the fact if i could empower my beliefs, my mind, my soul. i believe everything is within my reach. it's a matter of whether im willing to grab the opportunities or not. am i right?

just hoping i could reap something out of the next few years stint there! i'm certain that it is absolutely possible for me!

just received an invitation for NTU HSS tea party tmrw. but miserably sad, it clashes with my ndp interview appointment. haiz. even if i rushed down to pan pacific hotel.....i will be extremely late. Late is never a good thing for me. eeeeyyyyeerr!
so conclusion, have yet to decide.

2009-05-14T15:24:00.005+08:00

ive been rather confused with certain things. received a letter from NUS today. having to read the course offered to me...i was even more disappointed. not my choice of course. felt so regret for not filling up the discretionary admission section. why was i so clumsy! the section is so impt for my case but yeah...shoot lah!

seriously i have to thank god for all the letters i received. but...i cant hide the feeling of disappointment. yeah, just disappointed that i couldnt get my first choice for both NTU and NUS. partly my fault lah for being rather 'smart' . but yeah. for ntu, i will try to appeal for maritime studies. i will man. the criteria is almost similar to economics. i dont understand why i wasnt given the chance to pursue my dream besides giving me the reasons that there are limited vacancies. but for nus....i think no matter how many times im gonna appeal later, it wont make any difference because of the careless mistakes i did.
and as for SMU....it worries me too. no calls, no interviews, no letters. does that means no chance?
No matter how anxious i am or how disappointed i am. i have to be prepared to divert my path a little. if economics is what im destine to do, then i will have to accept it with an open heart. since things arent according to my plan, all i have to do is to put extra efforts to make things right.
we can only plan and the rest we have to leave it to the god almighty. i musnt whine for what has alrdy took place. i bet having been offered a place in NTU BA(honours) in economics programme was not an easy decision for the committee. i must be more appreciative. but as for now, i musnt lose hope. and continue to appeal for my dream course. what meant to be yours will be yours and what's not meant to be yours wont be yours no matter how hard you've tried.

2009-05-13T23:38:00.003+08:00

indeed...teaching is not my cup of tea. my tolerance level has reached its max point. finally gave my final word to stop giving tuition. in the past, i just dont understand if it is good to be kind. but...today, i realised at times i need to be really firm. really really firm. i just thought those adults out there should be much wiser than i am. however now...i doubt so.

no income for me pretty soon. parents have to come into my financial picture again.. and this is what i hate most. mum and dad told me to stop whining. and just have plenty of rest before uni. but.....haiya. i want to be independent. had several tuition offers but i just have this fear of having such unreasonable parents and kids again.

2009-05-12T09:47:00.004+08:00

Give thanks to Allah

2009-05-07T18:53:00.007+08:00

morning-aftern: got myself all gear up for the Singapore Business Federation Conference at the Parkroyal hotel, beach road. i was so excited to meet new friends and get to know more about how business is run.
the entrepreneurs that ive talked to are all so friendly and nice....!!!!!!!
yeah, new friends are great too. jokes and more jokes from us. hahaha!
too happy that ive forgotten to eat my medicine and now when im back home, my head starts to carry some heavy weight. haiz.
but it's okay man. i had fun! fun is a remedy to my fever, flu and cough! hahahha
my voice is rocking hot after today volunteer work! marie, i bet u will vomit blood if u were to ask me to sing! hahaha!
no tuition today! guess what? without my presence and approval, she confronted my tuition's kids parents for making use of me(the cheap labour). i did whine at my mum last few days after the kind of treatment i received accompany with my flu/cough condition but yeah, i told her just to let go of my frustration....in the end, she helped me.....by....confronting the parents. omg.
i think i will be out of job from next month onwards if this goes on. hahaahhahahahahah!

~Tatoo jordin sparks
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

2009-05-06T12:08:00.001+08:00

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

it's difficult to say when you are utterly disappointed with one's action.
but yeah, sometimes...experience makes us stronger. a lesson learnt and i will brace up man.

2009-05-05T16:12:00.003+08:00

my fever worsen, flu is pissing me and cough is so painful.

this week isnt the right time to fall sick fadilah!
my tuition's kid really need me but mum asked me to postpone to some other day fearing that i could pass down to him.
i cant sleep well today.
1am woke up
2am woke up
3.18am woke up again
5.30am woke up again.
IRRITATING.

i cant breathe properly due to the never ending flu.
please please...i need the energy!